To my angel babies,
I think of you every single day. This is my first Mother’s Day without either of you.
I could not wait to be a mommy for a very long time. Before your daddy and I were even engaged we would talk about having children. Once we were married, that dream became more real.
I will never forget the moment I found out I was pregnant either time. We cried the happiest of tears together and made plans for the future. Both times we dreamed of who you would be. Would you be a boy? Strong and stubborn like your father, have a passion for baseball and love of motorcycles and big trucks? Would you be a girl? Loving and dramatic like me, have an obsession with all animals, and love for sunshine and adventure? Would either of you be covered in freckles like your father and I? Oh we dreamed of you, and love you through and through.
Angel baby 1 you would still be in my belly, and we would be 31 weeks along and just 9 short weeks away from seeing your sweet face and getting to kiss you and hold you in our arms. By now, your dad would be finished your nursery and assembling your furniture. We would be anticipating your soon arrival! Your father and I spoke of my first Mother’s Day and his first Father’s Day and how you would be in my belly for both!
Angel baby 2 you would also be in my belly, we would be 16 weeks along. Did you know I picked Mother’s Day as the day we would share with the world that we were expecting you? I couldn’t wait to be that far along and know we made it through the first trimester together. We couldn’t wait to welcome you into the world in October and get to snuggle you and share our life with you.
I couldn’t wait for both of you to meet your cousins. Five crazy loving boys who we love so much and I know they would have been so thrilled to know we were giving them another little cousin to run around with!
Thank you for making me a mama. My heart aches as I miss you dearly. I can’t wait to be a mama here on earth but I am comforted to know we have two angels in heaven watching over us. Each day I don’t know how I do it. Then weeks pass, and months have gone by and here I am, living life and keeping your memories alive. Thank you for showing me how strong I really am, for making me prove to myself that I am capable of so much more than I could have ever fathomed. Thank you for drawing your father and me closer to one another. He is the best dad in the entire world, you guys would love him.
To other mama’s who have suffered the loss of their baby through miscarriage, infant loss, or still birth that are struggling on Mother’s Day and every day, please know you are not alone. My love and prayers go out to each and every one of you. I wish I could hug you and cry with you. Love and comfort to those with aching hearts. If you have held a child in your womb, you are a mother and I can think of no one that deserves that accolade more than those who have had to give their child back.
Happy Mother’s Day to all mamas!
Huge thank you to Stacey Windsor Photography for the beautiful pictures!