It’s been such a long time since I posted on here. Blogging has always been something I have been drawn to. I started blogging several years ago and find it’s a great creative outlet for me. In between that time I dabbled in YouTube videos, or just posting more on Instagram. I love to share good deals, great products, hacks, hair, makeup, mom life etc. But, I don’t genuinely feel like me when I constantly promote products and things for people to purchase. Something feels so odd about it to me. I got really into the idea of a fashion/beauty Instagram page. I was excited to share my capsule wardrobe, and other fun things. Quickly I realized I just couldn’t do it. I felt so out of place sharing these outfits. Who am I to tell anyone what to wear and how to dress? I love clothes and think I’m decent at putting outfits together but truly, I’m nothing special either. I began to feel bad – like an impostor of sorts. On top of feeling bad that I was encouraging people to buy things when I myself want to avoid the spending spree’s, I also felt like I didn’t have anything special or different I was doing to be able to share these things with others.
Something I’ve been struggling with – and have struggled with since the start of this adventure is worrying too much about what other people think. As much as I tell myself that I’m not going to worry about what they think, inevitably something happens that proves I worry too much about it. I struggle with social media as a whole also. I like to share. Especially about my girls! I’m obsessed with them. I also like to be more private. I hate to be glued to my phone constantly and social media has a way of doing that to you. I find with the endless scrolling and clicking I find myself in a state of constant want want want and comparing myself and my life to others.
A few weeks ago I deleted all social media apps from my phone. It’s weird to not post my every moment to my Instagram story, or endless pictures of my babies. It’s also super refreshing. It feels good to be able to put my phone down and focus on the goodness in front of me and not be worried about what Karin, or Sue are up to and what they bought their kids, or what jeans Becky is wearing this week and clicking through and pressing order before I even have a split second to really think about what is happening. I’m guilty of posting outfit pictures and saying “link in my bio”. While I LOVE clothes and putting outfits together, sharing them, and talking about the great deals I’ve found, I myself am tired of everywhere I turn there being something I “need” or have to buy. So, I sat back and asked myself why am I doing this? It is fun, and I love the idea of it but it doesn’t feel like me.
I’m not sure what is more “me” though, and that is something else I struggle with. I’m a creative person and wish to have an outlet to express thoughts and ideas. I love doing hair and learning about it, makeup is so fun for me and something i enjoy, I’m a mama of two so I want to talk about mom life a lot, I’m into baking and cooking, reading when I have time, working out, cooking healthy foods and trying new things, eating an absurd amount of chocolate and french fries, and loving on my husband. How do I express all of these things , in one space, and interest anyone? That’s when I talk myself into just doing nothing. That is the safest bet. Right? But regret stinks. And wishing you had gone for it and watching from the sidelines as others tackle their dreams is a hard pill to swallow.
That was very much a big ol dump of where my head is at. I have this domain space for another year and I told myself i would post to it. Share what is on my heart and not put too much pressure on myself to sharing any one thing, or to share every day – just when i feel inspired. Then, when it’s time to renew this space, I will decide from there where to go. Here’s to seeing where this takes me.
Going for it, while keeping one foot on the shore for safety – lol!!