I’ve had this little corner of the internet for over three years now. I absolutely LOVE blogging though if you took a look around here you might think it’s somewhat of a ghost town and well, you’d be right to think that. I don’t get on here and post nearly as much as I’d like to. Several factors hold me back and I’ve decided to just lay it all out there today.
I’ve been pulled lately to really share what is on my heart. There are many things happening in the background of my life that I can’t speak about just yet… or maybe ever. I know that is a teaser and not fair but as I’m sure you know some things are just better left unsaid and kept private. I could have done this whole post without sharing this blurb but I also want whoever reads this to know that there is stuff going on. Good stuff, happy stuff, but stressful, trying, and confusing stuff. If and when I can share more, I would love to and hopefully help and encourage others in similar journeys but for now… I will share what I can and hope you’ll take this walk with me.
I let doubt get in the way of everything I do. I’ve struggled with self-confidence since I can remember. I can’t pinpoint it to any one thing or event in my life… I’ve just always struggled with it. Our life molds us and shapes us little by little into who we are and I believe growing up and dealing with bullying at school has made me feel this way. I wasn’t bullied as bad as some but that doesn’t make what I went through any less painful for me. I have always been shy. My husband laughs when I say this. He doesn’t think I’m shy at all but then I remind him of the quiet girl in his junior year English class who never spoke a peep and kept to herself then he has a little “ah ha” moment. He tends to forget that I feel so completely comfortable around him and feel I can be 100% myself. Okay, back to my being shy… So because of this trait, I honestly didn’t have many friends. I’m not super outgoing so when it came to making friends, usually they had to approach me. It’s not because I don’t like people, or I hate anyone, I’m just so afraid of rejection and am way too shy to put myself out there and it’s just safer to stay on the shore. I had a good core group of friends in middle school and high school but my circle was small. It was okay with me, I was happy.
Fast forward to now, I do feel I’ve come out of my shell some. I think maturing and becoming a mama I had no choice but to find a voice but I stick to myself a lot. I’m still super shy in group settings unless I’m super comfortable with everyone there.
I’ve always wanted a blog and a YouTube channel. I follow many bloggers and influencers on YouTube and I admire all of them. I love what they do, the content they put out and I feel I have something to share with the world. It’s no different than seeing someone decorate cakes or making t-shirts with vinyl and you think, I love that, I need to try it, I might have a knack for that as well and have something I could share with others.
Well, because of my being super shy, having terrible confidence and self-doubt, it is SO hard to put myself out there. SO HARD!!! THE HARDEST EVER!!! I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this and I work hard to push through it. I will get in a groove and pump out content or I will freeze and second guess everything. I have so many amazing ideas but talk myself out of every single one because “who would want to read this” or “why would anyone watch this. It’s stupid”. I hate that I talk myself out of everything or most things and that I let this get to me. I hate that I even care at all what other things but the reality is, I want to create content that will help and encourage others and I also do this because I enjoy it. I feel a pull to share. My journey, my life, the struggles, the happy moments, hairstyles I love, cleaning and organizing videos, mama things, wife things…. All the things.
I’m so guilty of comparing myself to others. Social media has a way of doing that to you and it makes you feel so less than. I went on a little unfollow spree on all of my accounts. I thought, why in the heck would I follow someone who makes me feel like crap about my life? They might be good people and have done nothing personally to me but the reality is these girls with their Gucci belts and LV bags really make you look at your life like “what the heck am I doing wrong here.” though, to be honest, I don’t want or need those things. I’m content; I love my Sole Society purse and I haven’t worn a belt in years, I’m just using that as an example. I LOVE fashion blogging and beauty gurus but the competition is fierce and I feel the only want to be successful in doing those things it to have lots of money to portray a certain image which is really sad to me. They work hard, they deserve whatever they want, everyone does, it’s not that… but it does make me feel so less than. I much rather follow someone who has obtainable style, not runway fashion that is out of this world expensive and someone who is genuine and down to earth who keeps it real and shows the good and hard times. I encourage any of your reading this who find yourself comparing yourself to others and looking at feeds that make you feel bad about yourself to not look at that stuff, click the unfollow button and be done with it. It’s not worth it!! I have my feeds filled with those I love and who post content I really enjoy. It’s much simpler that way.
I share the things I do in hopes of inspiring others and helping others. I want to keep it real around here which is why I’ve decided to open up about my feelings lately on all of this. I’m really tired of letting fear lead the way and letting comparison ruin my plans. I’m very passionate about this space and I truly do have so many ideas and content planned for the blog and my YouTube channel. I’m excited for this journey and hope you all will follow along 🙂
I hope anyone reading this knows they aren’t alone if they are afraid to take a leap. Be authentically you and make no apologies for it. Life is too short to be anything but yourself and anything but happy.
Keep dreaming and never give up.
